


Mary's Choice

by Cherry



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: And I always will, F/M, Gen, How do you choose between Erwin Smith and Nile?, I still ship Eruri, It's harder than it sounds..., M/M, Mary's POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-07
Updated: 2014-01-07
Packaged: 2018-01-07 21:43:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1124701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cherry/pseuds/Cherry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Another choice with no regrets?</p><p>Had to be done. Spoilers for manga chapter 53.<br/>Mary remembers the choice she had to make between two young trainees who were intent on joining the Survey Corps. </p><p>For all those who wondered why she chose Nile. (And to keep the Eruri flame burning, kind of.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mary's Choice

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for the manga, chapter 53. 
> 
> Mary is chatting to a new friend shortly after Nile and Erwin have their discussion in the carriage in chapter 53. She's soon to give birth to her third child. 
> 
> I like to imagine that all kinds of new rhymes and songs emerged after the creation of the walls. Mary's lullaby comes from that time, when the Military Police really did serve all the people, not just the king. It has now become nothing but a traditional nursery rhyme, but it holds some secret truths, such as the 'crystal rings'! 
> 
> Thank you so much to all those who left kudos and comments on Coup de Grace - I'll reply to the comments soon. The minute I'd finished reading chapter 53 this fic demanded to be written down!
> 
> In my head, Mary has an Irish accent. I have no idea why.

There, she’s sleeping at last. Will you have another cup of tea? No? I baked scones… Good, then. There you go. So – you were asking how we met? Well, I’ll admit, it wasn’t Nile I noticed at first. Not that he wasn’t worth noticing mind you, more that he always came in with the other two, and you couldn’t help noticing _them_. And didn’t we get our share of all the military men in _The Maybush_? – ‘Roses, Unicorns and Wings’, like the song. You know the one – ah, sure you do – the nursery rhyme I’m always after singing to settle Clare: ‘One royal keep, three crystal rings, Roses, Unicorns and Wings’ – you know it. _That’s_ the one. So, there’s the three of them in, every night of their furlough – Mike – a giant of a man – quiet at the start, but you should have heard him talking when he got a few beers down him - my Nile, small to the other two, although he’s tall enough himself – and then your man Erwin Smith. The first time those three walked through the door of _The Maybush_ I looked at Mike, and I looked at Nile, and I looked at Erwin Smith - and then I looked at Erwin Smith again.

I wasn’t the only one looking, either. He was the kind of man to draw the eye – and according to Nile he still is, even with just the one arm. I hope I come to see him again one day. I hope he keeps safe…

Ah, well, so, the three of them would stay until closing time, sometimes at the table in the corner, sometimes propping up the bar. It wasn’t always just those three, but those three were always there. I served their drinks, and cleared their tankards, and got to talking in the usual way of things, and when they told me one day that they all three meant to wear the wings, I don’t mind telling you, I was fairly floored. I supposed I hadn’t realised how much I’d come to like them… Yes – all of them, although by then it was clear enough that Mike would never be more than a friend. But the other two… Well, that was another story. You don’t know how I tried to talk myself out of falling for a man who meant to die, even then, when I wasn’t sure which, if either, it would be.

Nile was so keen; always first to talk to me, making jokes – well, you’ve heard them… Looking on the bright side, they don’t get any worse with age! And he talked as though he thought he had a future. He talked about his ma and da, and all his sisters, as though he always meant to have a family of his own.

Erwin talked less, and when he did, he talked about his dreams, and Mike would look at him and nod, agreeing, so. Erwin dreamed of a world without the titans. He talked about it as though it was right there – as if he could just reach out… He talked with such _passion_. How could I not love that? And how could I not fear it, too?

It seems so long ago. We were all of us eighteen. True – true enough – they train them even younger now…

But how was I ever to choose? It sounds vain, I know, but the men always think they’re the ones doing the choosing, don’t they? And don’t we know better? Nile tried so hard, and was so very much in love with me, how could I help falling for him? Erwin was the most beautiful man I ever saw, and the way he looked at me, I knew he liked me too, although he never said it in so many words. You just know, don’t you? Well, mostly. Some can hide it; I never could. And those two couldn’t either. Nile wore his heart on his sleeve, and back then even Erwin was too young to hide his feelings well, and I’m sure they could both see that I couldn’t make up my mind between them. And then there was the shadow of the wings, always. I told my ma, and I asked my friends, and then, although it nearly broke my heart to do it, I said it, as if it was nothing, as a passing comment, when my hands were shaking so I had to set down the tankards for fear of them all clanking together and giving me away: “I won’t marry at eighteen to be widowed at nineteen.” That’s what I said. And the barefaced cheek of me when neither of them had so much as _asked_! But I had to do it. I had to know.

And after closing time, I waited. Don’t ask me how I knew, but I knew – and I knew who it would be, too.

He came back, though it was raining hard, and his black hair was all flattened down on his head, and when he knelt down weren't his muddy boots all over the floor I had that minute finished washing down? There was a raindrop just quivering at the end of the beard he was trying so hard to grow. I looked at him, and I felt such a burst of love! He said he was giving up the idea of the Survey Corps, that he’d make damn sure he got a place with the Unicorns, that he’d keep me safe inside the walls, me, and the children when they came along –

Erwin Smith was always looking out at the lands beyond the walls. Nile was only looking at me.

Who could resist that? Surely only someone stronger and less vain than me! He asked me, and I said yes, and I’ve never regretted it for one moment.

Was I selfish? I think so, yes. But I wouldn’t change a thing. Some say this isn’t the time to bring another child into the world, but I can’t think that way. The world may be cruel, but there’s still so much worth living for. Nile fights for us, in his way. I know that, if it came to it, he’d die to protect us, just as I would die for him and the children. He’s a brave man, though he doesn’t think so. I do worry, you know, that he still compares himself to Erwin. But that’s not fair, if that’s what he’s doing. They’re different people.

I never knew, until he told me just the other day, that he always thought he had to run back to me that night, because he knew that if Erwin got there first he’d have no chance. I hope he believed me when I told him he was wrong. Nile doubts himself too much. It’s true I was a bit in love with Erwin Smith, but his passion wasn’t for me – not only for me. I could see that, even then. I don’t mean he didn’t love me – I think he really thought he did – but what he loved was more the idea of me, of a family, safe behind the walls. But he could see beyond that – he knew that we’d all need keeping safe – all of us – all the families. Nile’s not that strong; I’m not that strong. Sure, few people are!  

I hope that Erwin finds someone strong enough to love him as he deserves – if there is such a person. Someone with a soldier’s heart, strong enough to match his own.

Oh, did I tell you, Nile and I have agreed we’ll call this one Erwin, if it’s a boy? Erwin Michael, for Nile’s best friends. I did love Mike. I do love Erwin. There are so many kinds of love, aren’t there? But it was quite true, what I told Nile the other day. If Erwin ever had asked me, I would have said no.

Will you have one more cup, now? It’s not late. Ah, good, then. There you go.

 

Mary’s lullaby

One royal keep, three crystal rings,

Roses, Unicorns, and Wings.

The Unicorns, in Sina’s name,

Serve meek and mighty both the same.

Roses climb on Rose’s wall

Whose thorns guard men from mankind’s fall.

Beyond Maria land meets sky

Where only Wings are free to fly.

One royal keep, three crystal rings,

Roses, Unicorns, and Wings.


End file.
